Bed Football

An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!"

His wife looked at him and said, "What the hell are you doing?"

He simply replied, "Just playing bed football."

Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, "Tie game - 7,7."

The husband's competitive side kicked in and he started starting straining... when suddenly he crapped his pants! His wife looks over and said, "Now what's the score?"

He said, "Still 7,7. End of quarter switch sides!!!"

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Control Over Wives

Three mates are down the pub. Bill and Joe are arguing about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third bloke, Fred, says nothing.

After a while, Bill turns to Fred and says, "Well, what about you? What sort of control have you got?"

"I'll tell you," Fred replies. "Just the other night my missus came crawling to me on her hands and knees."

The other two were absolutely amazed. "What happened then?", Joe asked.

"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!!!".

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Otieno Falls in Love

One Sunday morning Otieno burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, Otieno's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, Otieno. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot."

"Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her." Otieno was brokenhearted.

After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June." Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half sister too, Otieno.

"I'm awfully sorry about this." Otieno was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared.

"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister."

"Hee hee," his mother chuckled, shaking her head, "Don't pay any attention to what he says. He's not really your father."

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The Gaurdian Angel

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

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Having a bad day? This will put a smile on your face

 

A girl started noticing a guy who stands in front of her home every day in the evening.

She noticed the guy always comes mostly in the evenings and weekends.

The guy never tried to talk to her nor show any gesture, he just moves here and there by looking into his mobile phone and occasionally stealing a stare at her.

It went on like that for a year and the girl understood that the guy was in love with her but was too shy to express his feelings.

So, she told her parents. They too saw him and liked him. They discussed with her grandparents about a likely marriage but wanted her to make the first move.

The next day, she went to him and said, “Hi. I'm Jada.”

He said, “Hi. I'm Smith.”

Hearing this, the girl was very happy as the names were matching like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett.

The girl went on and said, “I really appreciate your patience and decency. You have been standing in front of my home everyday for about a year now. So, I understand that you are in love with me but too shy to say it.

I think I really like you too and would love it if we get married.”

The guy smiled and said, Forgive me SISTER!

Actually your home's wi-fi doesn't have a password. So, I come here every evening after work to use free wi-fi to chat with my girlfriend!


Via fb.
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